Welcome back to The Parent Partner! Happy Disability Pride Month! For any new readers, welcome! I thought it would be an amazing time to talk about boundaries and safety, so that children with Autism can learn to protect themselves in new scenarios while enjoying everything their childhood has to offer.
This time last year, I spoke to a client's mother prior to starting their ABA session. She mentioned an incident that happened a few days prior, where her son woke up around 5:00 AM to go on a walk in their neighborhood and had the police called on him by the time he returned back home. While it was still the early hours of the morning when the doorbell rang. He opened the door without checking who was outside, and without getting his mother or father awake beforehand. He spoke with the officer and answered the necessary questions appropriately, but the situation could have gone very differently (especially without another adult present).
While this would be a scary moment for any parent, I’m glad my client’s mother reinforced him for staying calm and used this as a learning opportunity! After teaching him safety rules for the house, I decided to teach him other protocols to prepare for other situations he may encounter in the future, especially in new spaces like a summer camp. It may be slightly uncomfortable or confusing to start a conversation like this, but always reiterate the fact that you love them and that this is for their protection. I started with kid-friendly videos about boundaries, and reminded my patient of the important ground rules, such as the fact that he should not keep “secrets” with any adults, and that his private parts should only be seen and touched by himself.
It’s important to recognize that this isn’t limited to only extreme or dangerous circumstances, and if they want to enforce boundaries in their everyday lives, they can! This can look something like telling their favorite aunt that gives the BIGGEST hugs that they are only comfortable with a high-five or fist bump the next time they visit, or asking their sibling not to come into their room during a certain time frame to concentrate on their homework. These are small boundaries that are acceptable and your child can be rewarded for that!
It takes a lot to be able to practice boundary setting, even for me as an adult! Remember, teaching boundary-setting is great for every child, and it's vital to enforce them on your own end as well, especially while they are learning to empathize and consider other's feelings as well as their own. You actively enforcing boundaries with them may help in the long run, so don't be afraid to ask them for personal space or set aside alone time. Children learn through imitation and this will definitely make a difference.
It’s also important to remind your child that they are not alone, and that they have a strong safety network behind them! Their safety network is a team of adults that they trust, and can consist of:
- Parents/Caregivers
- Extended family
- Teachers
- Therapists
- School Counselor
As a parent, you can check in with them every 1-2 months to make sure that your child still trusts the people on their safety network. If they no longer trust a particular adult, you can take them off of the network, and ask your child if there is any particular reason why.
And last but not least, tell your child to trust themselves. For most children with Autism, sensory cues are key! Let them know that they have body cues that let them know when they are nervous or scared, such as a sweaty body, shakiness, and a quicker heartbeat. If their intuition tells them not to trust a certain adult, they do not need to be around them and they can tell you. As their parents, they hold a great deal of trust in you, so let them know that you are always there to love and protect them, now and through the rest of your lives together.
Important Base Rules for your Kiddo:
- If your body cues tell you that someone else’s behavior towards you is inappropriate or ill-intentioned, make sure to tell a trusted adult in the safety network.
- Your body is your own, no one should touch you without asking, even if it seems harmless or with good intentions.
- It is okay to have boundaries for everyday life
- Adults should NEVER have secrets with children, no matter how small.
Kid-friendly videos about boundary setting:
Body Boundaries Make Me Stronger by Elizabeth Cole | Body Safety, Private Parts and Consent
How to Create a Safety Network for Your Kids and Why it’s so Important!
My Body Safety Rules- 5 Things Every Child Should Know
The Boundaries Song- “That’s a Boundary
Images from:
https://www.questreno.com/bulletins-1/boundary-phrases-to-teach-your-children
https://www.cookshillcounselling.com.au/9-healthy-ways-to-say-no
Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment :) if you have any feedback you can also email theparentpartnertpp@gmail.com or contact me through the "Contact Us" page.
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